- 'I DO' AGAIN IN ALABAMA - BLACK MARRIAGE DAY CELEBRATED IN OHIO - 300 COUPLES EXPECTED AT BLACK MARRIAGE DAY AT ENON TABERNACLE IN PHILLY - WHY BLACK MARRIAGE DAY?: JULIE BAUMGARDNER - GET IT STRAIGHT NISA MUHAMMAD FOUNDER OF BLACK MARRIAGE DAY - WHY OBAMA STANDS WITH HIS CHURCH - RESEARCH GRANTS ON AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE AND HEALTH - 'I DO' AGAIN IN ALABAMA 'I do' again: Communication, conflict resolution and date nights work for these couples who participated in a vow renewal ceremony as part of Black Marriage Celebration Decatur Daily (Alabama) March 22, 2008 > At the series of healthy marriage classes, he said, "it was emphasized that > you should put the marriage first, not personal desires. And you may have to > sacrifice personally to do that." . . . > > "But the class helped me most with conflict resolution, which is a very > important skill to learn," she said. > > "It's not that you won't have conflict, but that you need to learn techniques > to manage it, rather than walk away." For a marriage to survive, a couple needs to work at it. This is the third marriage each for Detrus and Makeba Dobbins of Decatur, so they decided to strengthen their bond by participating in marriage enrichment classes and renewing their vows. They were among four couples participating in a vow renewal ceremony and reception Sunday afternoon as part of a Black Marriage Celebration sponsored by Parents and Children Together (PACT) of Decatur. Speakers included Charles Jackson of the Alabama Community Marriage Initiative, based in Auburn. He said this is the FIRST SUCH EVENT IN ALABAMA, with more communities expected to follow. The ceremony, complete with silk rose petals scattered at the altar decorated with greenery and candles, was at Progressive Christian Outreach Ministries in Decatur. Arthur Warrior handled the renewal ceremony, with Ricky Miller, Jewel Freeman and Ronnissa Stevenson providing music. Some of the participants recently attended one of several classes PACT will offer this year, funded by a Community Marriage Initiative grant to build healthy marriages. "Stronger marriages mean a better life for the children," said Susan Roberts, executive director of PACT, which aims to prevent child abuse and neglect. During the reception, where bride's and groom's cakes and treats were served, the Dobbinses and others talked about what they have learned about marriage. "There's always room for improvement," said Detrus, 45. "If you've been married before, you kind of learn from that. "And I think finances are one of the biggest problems putting stress on marriages today." At the series of healthy marriage classes, he said, "it was emphasized that you should put the marriage first, not personal desires. And you may have to sacrifice personally to do that." His wife, Makeba, 38, said they learned a lot about the important of communication, too. "But the class helped me most with conflict resolution, which is a very important skill to learn," she said. "It's not that you won't have conflict, but that you need to learn techniques to manage it, rather than walk away." Detrus said he liked the hands-on activities used in the class, such as preparing a CD with three love songs for your spouse and making smoothies to demonstrate the blending of stepfamilies. He is pleased that his adult daughter now has expressed interest in attending the classes. The Dobbinses met and married at a church in Cleveland, Ohio, where she is from. "We did it the old-fashioned way and actually jumped over a broom as part of our wedding ceremony on June 28, 2003," said Detrus. "That symbolizes sweeping away the past and jumping into the new union," Makeba said. The Rev. Rex Jarman of Decatur and Linda Batts of the PACT staff led their marriage enrichment classes. Jarman and his wife, Jewel, also participated in the renewal ceremony. "You need to focus on your marriage, not on yourself," said Jarman. "Love your wife -- even if you have to bring more to the table than she does. You should bring 110 percent if necessary to make the marriage successful," he said. "We've been married 33 years, and I thought I knew everything about marriage, but I didn't," Jarman said. He decided to get involved in leading marriage enrichment classes when he read that the number of black marriages was steadily dropping. "As a pastor and husband and father, I prayed about what I could do about that. Then my cousin Linda Batts, who works for PACT, told me about these classes they were planning and asked if I would train to be a leader," he said. He agreed to attend training sessions "and I liked what I heard -- and I even learned some things about my own marriage to make it better," he said. In the class sessions, he helps the men understand their role as a husband, while Batts handles the female viewpoint. Lisa and Jeffrey Shine of Huntsville were married 20 years on Dec. 12, and they learned about this renewal ceremony while attended a Marriage Festival in Huntsville. "We wanted to renew our vows," he said, while Lisa said they also wanted to set a good example for their four children, ages 8 to 15. 'Date night' "I think a lot of marriages end in divorce because of finances," he said. "But you've got to put a priority on love, communication, listening and trust -- and we make every Friday night 'date night.' " Jeffrey is a motivational speaker who has served as the voice in Taco Bell videos, but he said he always made his marriage a priority. "We're in an interracial marriage, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know we're at risk," he said. Both their parents were divorced when they were teens, so the Shines decided early that they wouldn't even entertain the idea of divorce. "Before couples get a divorce, they should definitely get counseling and see if they can work it out," he said. 9th renewal Frank and Carolyn Orr of Moulton renewed their vows for the ninth time, "and each time has been great," she said. "Our priority is celebrating the miracle of marriage. It's a mission, and it's very important to us because each renewal will strengthen a marriage," she said. The Orrs were married Nov. 27, 1984, and began renewing their vows regularly in 2004. They had a renewal ceremony Nov. 3, but when they heard about PACT's Black Marriage Celebration, they wanted to participate. Jackson, who is public relations coordinator for the Community Healthy Marriage Initiative, a five-year program, said 11 family resource centers in Alabama are partners, with another 195 community groups involved in some way. Churches can receive free materials for the classes, too. "We're not trying to force people to stay in bad situations but to teach them the basic tools for blending two lives and creating a healthy marriage," he said. "And it's child-centered, because a healthy marriage has a direct impact on a child's well-being." Other programs offer help for teens in relationships, couples preparing to marry, peaceful co-parenting by divorced parents, and stepfamilies. The next four-week series of free marriage enrichment classes will begin in April at the PACT office, 245 Jackson St. S.E. in Decatur. A workbook has keys to building healthy marriages, as well as tips for managing money, stepfamilies and more. PACT also is offering other relationship enhancement classes throughout 2008. Topics and expected beginning dates include "Mastering the Magic of Love," starting May 5; "Relationship Smarts," starting July 14 and Sept. 2; "Basic Training for Couples," starting April 14 and July 14; "Together We Can," starting July 8; and "Smart Steps for Stepfamilies," starting April 3, July 10 and Aug. 21. Call PACT, 355-7252, to check exact class dates and times. Free child care and dinner will be provided with classes. - BLACK MARRIAGE DAY CELEBRATED IN OHIO > The Columbus Urban League and the Healthy Marriage Collaboration of Central > Ohio, in collaboration with other local community organizations, are hosting > the 2008 Central Ohio Black Marriage Day celebrations. These celebrations > will correspond with celebrations held across the country that highlight the > importance and the benefits of marriage within the African American community. > > As part of our celebration, we are hosting the 2nd Annual Marriage Leadership > conference, Rebuilding the Cornerstone: Marriage Matters. This leadership > conference targets leaders from business, faith-based, government, education > and community sectors. The leadership conference will include a distinguished > panel discussion and Yvette McGee Brown as the keynote luncheon speaker. > > Additionally, the community is invited to participate in our Community > Celebration events. Bishop Mel Griffin, our Master of Ceremonies, will host > events that include marriage recognitions, awards, resources and much more! We > will also have special guests from the Mrs. Ohio Pageant. Our own local dance > troupe, Radical Awesome Wonder, will perform, along with Barbara Amos, Rob > Waters, Julius Wright and Melvin Marshall of the acclaimed jazz band, > Crosswalk. You are sure to be up on your feet! > > For more information or to register, please see attached brochure, visit > or call (614)825-0009. > - 300 COUPLES EXPECTED AT BLACK MARRIAGE DAY AT ENON TABERNACLE IN PHILLY An Update from Greater Philadelphia Healthy Marriage Coalition: Black Marriage Day will be celebrated Friday, March 29, 2008 under the leadership of Elder Rob and Elizabeth Harrison of the Philadelphia African American Healthy Marriage Coalition (who are also the representatives to the Marriage Co-Mission) . More than 300 couples are expected to celebrate Black Marriage Day at Enon Tabernacle Church. Awards will include 'Champions of Marriage' and the 'Marriage Hall of Fame'. Couples receiving the Hall of Fame awards will be listed on a plaque that will be accepted by the Philadelphia African American History Museum. To nominate couples in the greater Philadelphia community email Rob Harrison at Saturday, March 30 will be the kick off of the 'Fifth Saturday Dating Initiative'. "Date Night" in Philadelphia will be promoted throughout the Philadelphia community on March 29, May 31, August 30, and November 29. Hold the dates of July 23 & 24 2008 for a Healthy Marriage, Safe Families, Strong Communities Conference and Training Institute to be held in Philadelphia. The theme will be "Bridging Healthy Marriage, Responsible Fatherhood, and Domestic Violence Programs. Our keynote speaker will be Maria Kefalas, "Promises I Can Keep" and our Banquet Speaker will be Mark Gungor, "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage". For more information and to register visit The Greater Philadelphia Healthy Marriage Coalition will hold it's second quarter meeting on Thursday, April 17 from 11:30 - 1PM. To join contact Rita DeMaria at - WHY BLACK MARRIAGE DAY?: JULIE BAUMGARDNER Why Black Marriage Day? By Julie Baumgardner March 23, 2008 =B3Why should there be a day set aside to celebrate Black MarriageB2 said the caller. This is a great question that deserves an answer. The latest marriage research shows that marriage in the African American Community is on the decline. Today, African Americans have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. According to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America have never been married compared to 27 percent and 22 percent respectively for whites. In 30 years, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent, but for African Americans, it fell by 34 percent. =B3Contrary to popular belief, marriage rates in the Black community have not always been low,=B2 said Dr. Rozario Slack, Director of Fathering, Families and Marriage Initiatives at First Things First. =B3Following slavery, marriage was held in high esteem by African Americans. In fact, research shows that close to 70 percent of Blacks during that time period were married.=B2 Recent research conducted by University of California, Davis economists Marianne Page and Ann Huff Stevens indicates that divorce and marriage play much bigger economic roles for black children than white children in the United States. Page and Davis found that in the first two years following a divorce, family income among white children falls about 30 percent, while it falls by 53 percent among black children. This difference dramatically increases over time. It is estimated that 80 percent of all African American children will spend their childhood living apart from their fathers. While an estimated seventy percent of African American children are born to unmarried mothers. =B3Many African American adults don=B9t seem to recognize how badly young black teens still desire marriage,=B2 said Dr. Slack. =B3Just the other day I was talking with a young man who is a junior in high school. He told me he was going to be a daddy. He said he wants to try this =8Cfamily thing=B9 out because he has never seen it in his lifetime. He wants to try it for a while to see if it works.=B2 Like this young man, there are lots of people out there =B3playing=B2 at family says Dr. Slack. If you play at family you get a play family. =B3If people want a real family they will seek to be married,=B2 said Dr. Slack. The young man told me he wanted to be married, but he didn=B9t know anybody who was in a happy marriage. To which I replied, =8CYou didn=B9t until you met me.=B9 These young people clearly want marriage, but they do not feel it is within their reach because of the lack of modeling. The African American community needs to develop a culture where these teens see that married people are having as much if not more fun than single people.=B2 Page and Stevens=B9 research estimates that while the family income of white children rises by 45 percent when their single parent marries, the family income of black children rises by 81 percent with marriage. One reason for the difference in improvement is that married black mothers are more likely to work than married white mothers. Marriage appears to have even greater benefits for black children whose single mothers marry than for their white counterparts, according to the study. Research shows that Black children with married parents typically receive better parenting, are less delinquent, have fewer behavioral problems, have higher self esteem are more likely to delay sexual activity and have better educational outcomes. In areas including parental support, delinquency, self esteem and school performance, having a father in the home and particularly a married father as a role model is a crucial determinant of better outcomes for young black males. While it is possible for single parents to provide these benefits for children, research clearly shows that they are far more likely to be present in a two-parent household. Marriage is clearly the safest environment for children. Child abuse is 50 times more likely to occur in households with unmarried, cohabitating adults than with a child living with their biological parents. For couples, even when studies control for a wide range of variables, they consistently find that married Black adults, compared to those who are unmarried, have more income, are less likely to face poverty and are more likely to be happy. Marriage also appears to promote better family functioning. Marriage provides companionship and good sex for couples. In communities where marriages flourish, the property value is higher, crime is lower and there are better schools. In communities where marriages fail, or fail to happen, the opposite exists. =B3Black Marriage Day was started by the Wedded Bliss Foundation to create cultural change in the Black community and to rethink how marriage is viewed,=B2 said Dr. Slack. =B3I believe we should celebrate Black Marriage Day to make a difference for the next generation, which includes my children. A risk to marriage anywhere is a risk to marriage everywhere. And I need there to be less risky marriages so my kids will not grow up thinking that is the way relationships should be.=B2 Julie Baumgardner is the Executive Director of First Things First, an organization dedicated to strengthening marriages and families through education, collaboration and mobilization. She can be reached at . - GET IT STRAIGHT FROM THE FOUNDER OF BLACK MARRIAGE DAY Listen to or watch Nisa Muhammad's classic Keynote as she received the Smart Marriages Impact Award in 2007. Order on DVD, CD, or download (only $9.95) at 800-241-7785 or at See a quick grab of Nisa's keynote (3rd one in) on YouTube at: Visit for instructions on how to start planning your Black Marriage Day celebrations for March of 2009. - WHY OBAMA STANDS WITH HIS CHURCH This is apropos -- Black churches being key to Black Marriage Day and the revival of marriage in the Black Community. - d > . . . The two men formed their own congregations. Jones gained permission from > the Episcopal Diocese of Pennsylvania to establish America's first black > parish, St. Thomas African Episcopal Church. He eventually became the > Episcopal Church's first African American priest. > > Allen formed a Methodist congregation that eventually became today's > African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church. > > The walkout in the City of Brotherly Love occurred in 1787 -- a year that > marks the beginning of America's independent black church, a theological > movement born out of racism. . . . For the full editorial: - RESEARCH GRANTS ON AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE AND HEALTH Research Grants on African American Marriage and Health The Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation within the Department of Health and Human Services has contracted Mathematica Policy Research, Inc. (MPR) to commission a series of research briefs examining the link between marriage and health in the African American community. MPR plans to fund up to six proposals at $10,000 per award. Proposals are due April 30, 2008. For the full RFP, see Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will disappear into cyberspace. This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee, editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list. PLEASE include your email address and/or url as part of your signature. With thousands of buy onliners, not all comments can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the Coalition. To BUY ONLINE, PURCHASE, or Change your subscription address, visit: To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at: 12th Annual Smart Marriages=AE Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel, June 30-July 6, 2008 (General Conference July 2-5) Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2 Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6 DOWNLOAD a conference brochure and register at: List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE) Diane Sollee, Director 5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961 202-362-3332 FAIR USE NOTICE: This contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information: If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. SmartMarriages mailing list

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